I was pondering today and realized, wow I only have 10 more weeks left of pregnancy and I will be holding my baby girl in my arms. The feelings that come over me when I realize how my life is changing are unconditional. I'm sure every mom experiences these feelings of fear, excitement, nervousness, fondness, and uncertainty but maybe it's these feelings that help prepare us for the responsibility that awaits. It can be overwhelming at times realizing that I am carrying a human being, mine and Joe's daughter, a baby girl that one day will be experiencing the same emotions as me. Every morning I wake up and it seems her and my belly have grown more and seeing the change has made this experience even more amazing. I can feel her moving inside me and really there is no way to explain the way it feels or how cool it is, other than the gift of bearing a life is a miracle. I'm a little worrisome that she may be a night owl like me because she wakes up around 10:30 PM at night and tumbles away. I've become nervous of the labor and delivery but am assuming that is normal. I'm scared she will decide to come when I least expect it and I won't be ready at all.
Me and my husband have settled on a name for her, Lolah Lou, and I am absolutely happy with this name. My Grandma helped me come up with the name Lolah because one day I was visiting with her and asked her to name off a few old fashioned names. She named a few but when she spoke the name Lolah I fell in love. It is a universal name and also stands for "strong woman" which I love. Her middle name Lou stands for my Grandma Mary Lou that has passed. I feel I have never truly let go of the fact that I didn't get to know her more and that I was unable to be there for her in her sickest days, so I feel naming my daughter after her will help me heal in some way. Me and my husband also had a horrible time when it came to a name for her and when I mentioned the name Lolah to him he loved it and therefore we knew it was the name we would give our daughter.
So much has changed in our lives... again. I lost my job, which I felt was unfair, but I am past that because better things are happening. Joe has been accepted into USU and is starting college there this Fall and going to study Natural Resources. We are moving to Logan next week to start our new lives. I'm sure it won't be easy finding a job and being pregnant but I think it is most important to stay positive at this point. I'm so proud of Joe for starting his college education, but know it will not be easy and all I can do is pray that everything will work out. It is going to be hard moving away somewhere that I am not familiar with and family isn't around but I know I am a tough person and will make do. I also shouldn't say that there isn't any family because Joe's brother and his wife currently live in Logan and are going to College and I know they will be a ton of help. I am just use to living down the street from Gramp and Gram and 15 minutes away from Dad. My mother has also been living in Utah for a couple months while her husband is in training, and it has been an absolute blessing having her here, which is another reason it is hard to move.
Nonetheless, I know God has a plan and I know that this is all for the better and one day I will look back on this and be happy we decided to make this change in our lives. It feels like we are finally taking charge of our lives and making the most of our future. Lolah is going to be the largest change in our lives but I know she is going to be such a joy to us. I want the best life we can give to her and I know one day she will be grateful for these changes we are making.
I better get back to packing. Wish us luck!
