Where to start.... I guess here....
As some of you may already know I worked with my father's company helping design kitchens for over 3 years. Last October my father's business had to let me go due to very slow business. Yes, my own father had to let me go. It was hard but I understood completely and want nothing more than his business to succeed as it has the last 11 years. I looked at the bright side and thought "ok this won't be too hard to find a job. I'm pretty smart, I'm quite good looking, I can find a job no problem". Well with all my confidence I still didn't find a job for almost 3 months. This really took a tole on me and it was also difficult on my relationship. After miscarrying in October, losing my job and finding no job for three months I felt like a failure and almost went into depression. Some how I managed to keep my head up though, as I knew that nothing would come about if I wasn't trying and allowed myself to be sad. After emailing about 300 resumes and submitting as many applications as possible I finally was contacted for two interviews. I felt so confident about both interviews but somehow still didn't get either job. At this time I started thinking "ok, what am I doing wrong? Am I saying the wrong things? Am I dressed the wrong way?" because I knew I was well qualified for both jobs. After failing two interviews I kept trying even though I felt all hope was lost. It wasn't until the end of January I was contacted by a business I had emailed a resume. The reply email simply asked if I could come in for an interview because they were interested in meeting with me. I emailed back and told them of course I was available for an interview and would love to come in, and asked for contact info. I went in for two interviews at this business and was told I'd be contacted on Monday if I was chosen for the job. Around two in the afternoon I got anxious so I decided to call them myself. I GOT THE JOB! I was asked to come in the next day to get started. I felt like a bird that had just learned it had wings. It was almost emotional after trying so many times and finally succeeding. This entire experience has really made me grateful, especially in this economic crisis. I absolutely love my job and feel so lucky it is all working out. For a long time I felt like everything was just falling apart, but I'm so grateful I pulled through. I am working as a receptionist/customer service for an online clothing, accessories, etc. company called www.myfashioncorner.com . It's also a blast because I get to see all the really fun stuff we carry and basically have a shopping center where I work. Shopping is getting a little difficult though, wondering why? Well read on....
Another change in my life has happened. This one is a change that will affect me for the rest of my entire life! <---------and I say that with excitement. In January I found out that I'm not alone. I'm expecting a baby!! I am so excited for this journey. I was really scared at first and quite paranoid because of my first experience with pregnancy. Every little pain I had was another worry stone in my path. I worried that if it happened again, I would possibly decide to never have children because of the heart break it caused the first time. Something about this pregnancy has been quite different from the start though. You may think I'm quite strange but I'm going to tell you about a first time experience and a second time experience.
My first pregnancy I had a dream. This dream wasn't really a good dream, it was quite sad. I dreamt that I was in the birthing room giving birth to my child. When my child was born it was no larger than the palm of my hand and was quite distorted. I only saw this baby for a split second because the doctors took it away as soon as it was born. It then came to the time for me and my husband to leave the hospital with our baby. We went to the nursery to get our baby and they gave us this perfectly healthy baby. As me and my husband proceeded to leave the hospital we both said to each other "this isn't our child, where is our child". We went back to the hospital and insisted on them giving us our child and they told us that our child was too weak and sick and we could not have it. I remember waking up hearing myself whimpering, apparently I was bawling in my dream because I had waken myself up. I was distraught for the entire day and even told my husband and several family members about this dream. For some reason I feel that this was possibly a sign that things were not going to turn out ok.
This pregnancy started with a dream that was quite rewarding and happy. It wasn't a long dream just short, cute, and simple. In this dream me and my husband had a baby boy. He was new born just brought home from the hospital. He was wearing green little pants with white stripes and a white onesie. He had tons of dark hair and was so tiny. Me and my husband were playing with him on our bed. We both would ponder at him with such joy in our eyes. We thought it was funny in this dream because every time we would move him he would whimper a little bit, like he didn't want to be bothered. We thought it was so cute. This was basically my entire dream but somehow I'm thinking it is foreshadowing a healthy pregnancy.
This was the start to what I felt has been a different, more positive pregnancy.
So far I am 13 weeks as of yesterday. I had my 1st ultrasound at 11 weeks 5 days and everything looked great. I have to say that ultrasound was amazing. Seeing my baby and it's little heartbeat pumping away was life changing. Knowing that this little person is growing inside my body and knowing that you can make a human being in 9 months amazes me. It seems like I waited so long to see that ultrasound and am at so much more peace now that I know everything is going ok. I'm taking prenatal yoga to help relax and keep me in shape, but also too connect me closer to my child for that hour and a half. I feel great after yoga, I love it. I'm so happy that me and Joe are getting to experience this together and I can't wait to be a mother. As some may know I've been a mommy to all my dollies since I was a year old and a great mommy at that, but I am so happy that I am experiencing it for real and forever. This is something I will never forget. This experience is helping me grow into a woman and I hope I can succeed and be as great of a mother as my mom has been to me. I'm nervous what the future has to offer but in this moment I am grateful.
Below are pictures of our little muffin ♥
